35 Funny Nurse Jokes to Brighten Your Mood
Need a pick-me-up during or after a tough shift as a nurse? Jokes for nurses can help ease your mood and lighten the load of what can be a heavy job. And sometimes naming the bladder scanner Urethra Franklin makes work just a little better. We don’t judge.
Nurses are known for their keen (and sometimes dark) sense of humor. They work under pressure, often for long shifts, so letting off a little steam can help make the job easier. If you’re looking for funny nurse jokes to tell coworkers at the nurses’ station, check out our list of 35 hilarious nursing jokes, one-liners, and witticisms.
35 Nursing Jokes
1. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
HIPAA.
HIPAA who?
I can’t tell you that!
2. Don’t piss off a NICU nurse — they have little patients!
3. [While elevating a patient’s bed] You’re moving up in the world!
4. What do you give the man who has everything?
Antibiotics!
5. Nurse: “Doctor, there’s a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible!”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him right now.”
6. Why did the nurse carry a red crayon?
She needed to draw blood.
7. Have you seen that movie about constipation?
It hasn’t come out yet.
8. [While steering a patient in a bed or stretcher] Keep your hands and feet in — this thing’s not insured.
9. If you play hide-and-seek in the hospital, don’t hide in the ICU.
10. Taking out a urinary catheter is great for your skin — it’s ex-Foley-ating!
11. What do you call a group of people who all have heart rates below 60?
The Brady Bunch.
12. You know the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
13. What do pirates do when someone drowns?
They give CP-ARRR.
14. [While holding a urine sample cup] Urine my way!
15. How long does it take a nurse to change a light bulb?
30 seconds to change it and 30 minutes to chart it.
16. What did the banana say to the nurse?
I’m not peeling well.
17. [While removing electrodes from a patient’s chest] It’s a free wax, but you get what you pay for.
18. What is it called when a hospital runs out of maternity nurses?
A midwife crisis.
19. What do you call it when 4 cardiology fellows walk into a bar?
A tetralogy of fellows.
20. [Before inserting an IV] Do you have an arm preference for your IV? Left arm? Right arm? Someone else’s arm?
21. How do you handle Metronidazole?
Carefully, because it’s Flagyl.
22. A patient asks a nurse: “What happens when we die?”
The nurse responds: “We clean the room and admit a new patient.”
23. What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
With bird flu, you give tweetment, but swine flu needs oinkment.
24. [While discharging a patient] I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I hope I never see you again.
25. Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans.
26. [After placing an IV] Did you close your eyes? Me too!
27. Why are night nurses such bad dancers?
They have no circadian rhythm.
28. If you’re an American before you take Lasix, what are you after?
European.
29. What did the nurse say to the man who fainted at the airport?
“I think you might have a terminal illness.”
30. [During a skin check] Do you know you have a crack in your butt?
31. Who invented the hospital gown?
Seymour Butts!
32. [While placing a Foley and seeing flash in the tube] Ur-ine!
33. Which area in the U.S. has the lowest cholesterol?
Statin Island.
34. [While borrowing equipment from a patient’s room] Don’t mind me, just stealing stuff.
35. What do you call a nurse who is happy, relaxed, and smiling?
Off-duty.
The Science Behind Jokes for Nurses
Why are nurses known for their humor? One reason might be that laughter is an essential coping mechanism, making stress feel lighter and improving mood. Joking around with your coworkers can create a few moments of escape amidst a high-pressure environment. Laughter is proven to ease stress and anxiety — it really is good medicine.
Aside from its mental health benefits, humor can also help staff build rapport, liven up repetitive tasks, and put patients at ease. Affiliative humor reinforces relationships and brings people into the joke. Self-enhancing humor brings a good-natured perspective, helping nurses laugh at the unique circumstances of their workplace.
For many patients, a warm joke from their nurse can help them relax and remind them that their care providers are people, too. But, as you know, not every patient or situation is right for levity, and part of the art of bedside humor is reading the room. Still, when used thoughtfully, laughter is a powerful tool for connection and resilience.
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